love is a decision, is a choice, is a verb, is commitment. love is not a feeling.

night festival is coming back :) yay!

how long has it been since i last wandered around alone? last had coffee by myself? miss those times.

while i still battle lethargy, lack of motivation and generally heart palpitations each time i'm going to work,

i truly really feel very blessed, cherished and treasured.

volunteering

at the carnival, they were handing out those foldable balloons in different shapes. she held out hers which was the shape of a sword, placed it near the lower tummy and made a 'psst psst' sound with the long end of the balloon that still had that uninflated portion.

i looked at my partner, both apparently amused and embarrassed. and we let out an awkward laughter.

and she went on, 'psst psst, snake!'.

damn, what were we thinking? she is only 9! we adults are the ones with the corrupted mind.

nevertheless i had fun yesterday still :)

once in a while, i peep at the site meter of my blog, and am often pretty amused, surprised, and curious- why do you people still visit my blog even though it was ages since i last updated? ha. i am honoured. thank u :)

HEY THERE, COME BACK SOON. I LOVE YOU. :)

Food for Thought

Written by Lee Wei Ling, for the Sunday Times, 04 Jan 2009

In 2007, in an end-of-year message to the staff of the National Neuroscience Institute, I wrote: ‘Whilst boom time in the public sector is never as booming as in the private sector, let us not forget that boom time is eventually followed by slump time. Slump time in the public sector is always less painful compared to the private sector.’

Slump time has arrived with a bang.

While I worry about the poorer Singaporeans who will be hit hard, perhaps this recession has come at an opportune time for many of us. It will give us an incentive to reconsider our priorities in life.

Decades of the good life have made us soft. The wealthy especially, but also the middle class in Singapore, have had it so good for so long, what they once considered luxuries, they now think of as necessities.

A mobile phone, for instance, is now a statement about who you are, not just a piece of equipment for communication. Hence many people buy the latest model though their existing mobile phones are still in perfect working order.

A Mercedes-Benz is no longer adequate as a status symbol. For millionaires who wish to show the world they have taste, a Ferrari or a Porsche is deemed more appropriate.

The same attitude influences the choice of attire and accessories. I still find it hard to believe that there are people carrying handbags that cost more than thrice the monthly income of a bus driver, and many more times that of the foreign worker labouring in the hot sun, risking his life to construct luxury condominiums he will never have a chance to live in.

The media encourages and amplifies this ostentatious consumption. Perhaps it is good to encourage people to spend more because this will prevent the recession from getting worse. I am not an economist, but wasn’t that the root cause of the current crisis - Americans spending more than they could afford to?

I am not a particularly spiritual person. I don’t believe in the supernatural and I don’t think I have a soul that will survive my death. But as I view the crass materialism around me, I am reminded of what my mother once told me: ‘Suffering and deprivation is good for the soul.’

My family is not poor, but we have been brought up to be frugal. My parents and I live in the same house that my paternal grandparents and their children moved into after World War II in 1945. It is a big house by today’s standards, but it is simple - in fact, almost to the point of being shabby.

Those who see it for the first time are astonished that Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew’s home is so humble. But it is a comfortable house, a home we have got used to. Though it does look shabby compared to the new mansions on our street, we are not bothered by the comparison.

Most of the world and much of Singapore will lament the economic downturn. We have been told to tighten our belts. There will undoubtedly be suffering, which we must try our best to ameliorate.

But I personally think the hard times will hold a timely lesson for many Singaporeans, especially those born after 1970 who have never lived through difficult times.

No matter how poor you are in Singapore, the authorities and social groups do try to ensure you have shelter and food. Nobody starves in Singapore.

Many of those who are currently living in mansions and enjoying a luxurious lifestyle will probably still be able to do so, even if they might have to downgrade from wines costing $20,000 a bottle to $10,000 a bottle. They would hardly notice the difference.

Being wealthy is not a sin. It cannot be in a capitalist market economy. Enjoying the fruits of one’s own labour is one’s prerogative and I have no right to chastise those who choose to live luxuriously.

But if one is blinded by materialism, there would be no end to wanting and hankering. After the Ferrari, what next? An Aston Martin? After the Hermes Birkin handbag, what can one upgrade to?

Neither an Aston Martin nor an Hermes Birkin can make us truly happy or contented. They are like dust, a fog obscuring the true meaning of life, and can be blown away in the twinkling of an eye.

When the end approaches and we look back on our lives, will we regret the latest mobile phone or luxury car that we did not acquire? Or would we prefer to die at peace with ourselves, knowing that we have lived lives filled with love, friendship and goodwill, that we have helped some of our fellow voyagers along the way and that we have tried our best to leave this world a slightly better place than how we found it?

We know which is the correct choice - and it is within our power to make that choice.

In this new year, burdened as it is with the problems of the year that has just ended, let us again try to choose wisely.

To a considerable degree, our happiness is within our own control, and we should not follow the herd blindly.

The writer is director of the National Neuroscience Institute.

once in your life, you meet the person who makes you fall in love with him, over and over again.

and then you'll never want to part again.

today feels surprisingly very okay, o wow why?

dinner date with my girly of 15 yrs

how did we grow so old? it was primary three when we met, during an English remedial lesson on Saturday.

"Your English probably sucked."

"Well, yours too." (Laughters)

she was the new girl from Malaysia with the a laughter and demeanour so gentle you just want to befriend her straight away :)




thanks for introducing me to Double Bay. it was nice and comfortable just hanging around, let's do this more :)

regret?

i suppose this whole thing about my entries centering on JOBS will go on for quite a while. stay with me while i grow through this whole episode.

i read a really thought-provoking article on 'O' mag on Regret yesterday.

it says regret is made up of two components - sad and mad. it suggests to separate sadness and anger so as to transform regret to something productive.

for example, my regret (at the present moment) is not taking the time off to seriously think about what i want to do before i chose my uni course.

i am sad. because of that, i am doing something i dont really enjoy now.

and i am angry. angry at myself for taking the easiest way out then. it was so easy to decide on my course because it is engineering - flexible (cos i didnt know what i want to do in life then). and chemical engineering - the most prestigious engineering course. i excelled in math and science. it seemed like a natural choice. i am angry that i am lazy.

i am angry that i made such hasty decision because the deadline for choosing the course was nearing.

i am angry that i didnt dare go against the social convention by taking a year or two off to really think. i just wanted my life to flow like all the others. now it feels like i took four years to end up in a place nowhere near where i really want to be.

i am angry with the education system for not encouraging students to explore their choices early. all that emphasis on math, science and grades, all that we are encouraged to study is what the society needs.

but what can i do now?

i am painfully trying to find out what i want while battling feelings of insecurity and giving up sometimes. i am afraid that after so much trouble and pain, i still dont end up anywhere.

i'm am trying to resist conditioning my mind to get used to dreading work. i hope i never find it acceptable to dread work, to dread mondays, to live for the weekends. how can this be life?

i hope i never give up on the thought that each and every one is sent by God to fulfill a role; that only when you find what you're supposed to be, would you feel every thing falling into place.

i hope i never forget that there is a difference between putting in effort and doing the job well, and loving a job and putting in your best and feeling like it's the reason you're here.

i hope i never have to look back and remember that once upon a time i had a choice to discover what i want but never overcame my inertia to. i hope i always remember that i have the power of choice; i am not a victim of circumstance.

i suppose it is good to know that life didnt throw me into my current state, i am where i am now only because i allow it to be.

and then i must remember that i am taking all these steps because i want to be responsible to no one, but myself.

finally just the last thoughts - i am thankful i dont enjoy my work this much now. or else it would not have spurred me to do something about it this badly.